Epiphany

She found herself alone in a big stern white room with no doors, only four walls. She thought she was dreaming but then she realized that she was not. She was petrified. She started to shiver, like a kitten stepping on her feet for the first time. She curled herself in one of the corners, pushed her head into her crossed arms, like an ostrich delving in the ground.
After what seemed hours she thought: why was she sitting doing nothing; this was real, not a dream; what was she waiting for? No one would open a door. No one could get in, and there were no windows…. Nothing.
She stood and started to search desperately for a hole in every corner to dig into, but no holes did she find.
Finally she was tired and frustrated.
She wept. She felt lonely. She felt like the world was about to end, and would end, right there in the big white room unless someone could help her. She kept screaming, until she couldn’t breathe.
She burdened herself with her misery; her tears dried up on the floor.
She thought: if she was to stay there for long, then she must start amusing herself in some way.
She sang and sang while spinning. Then she laughed and laughed and danced, like a child discovering herself for the first time. She was really happy. She even forgot about getting out of the room, but not for long. Feeling depressed as she sat all alone pondering how she got there and how would she get out or if she would ever step outside this room? despair covered her like a shroud.
Finally, she fell asleep, dreaming of herself running and running alone under the moon light.
She glanced around her, and saw nothing but the emerging stars from the ground. The sky above her was too crowded with shiny glittery stars; they were all around like a merry go round. She could raise her hand and catch a star.
She stood on sand that was cold like ice.
She heard nothing but silence, and it was too loud; thought she could go deaf…
The wind was so strong like a storm. She was shivering, freezing and afraid.
Her memories warmed her, and her guilt frosted her.
She wished of reliving every single moment that has passed and gone, rewind the good ones, and erase the despised ones. She wanted to be a good person, but life never gave her the chance.
Under the never ending stars she saw the whole picture of her life.
She raised her hand and caught a star, put it in her pocket. She caught another and put it in her other pocket… she kept collecting stars till she filled her pockets and flew high over the dark horizon.
She gaped at the flat smooth ground, and sighed in relief for abandoning her fear, guilt and evilness; which were smearing down. She was glowing. Her heart was palpably light with purity and innocence.
Suddenly! Boooom! Stars blew. She fell on the smearing fear, guilt and evilness. Once they felt her presence they started crawling on her body, sprawling her on the sand. Her heart was pounding, flexing her chest. She took a gulp of air, clasped her hands together to soothe herself and to calm down. It was a waste of time, but worth the try.
The time she took to realize.
To conceive the things she merely understood back then. She must live with all those feelings, this was what living felt like; the bundle of rejoice and remorse.
She closed her eyes, really hard not to let herself see again.
“Let’s go somewhere else, let’s go.” She murmured to herself.
Suddenly she woke up choking.
She started to sob, thinking there was no way out.
She started to search the room again for a hole to scratch and get out… out… out… out. Maybe she missed something. But unfortunately, there was nothing to find.
She thought if she jumped, really hard and high, maybe she would make a crack in the floor but the floor was too solid. Not even a stone with the size of an elephant would make a crack. She jumped anyway; closing her eyes, she felt high. She stopped when she couldn’t feel her legs anymore. She opened her eyes to see the big white room empty and hollow.
She sunk back into depression, and then suddenly she hit the wall. “ENOUGH’’ she yelled in anger! She thought: this would never end if she kept waiting for someone to help. She must master her own mind and fate, because it was all in her head and hers only. Strength was what she should be seeking, not help. She needed to make a way out. This required courage, bravery, strong will, determination, and perseverance.
The revelation of getting out possessed her whole well-being. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, yet what was easy about anything. She gazed around for a moment, and then she bit her arm with her sharp teeth, until she hurt herself. She plunged her finger into the wound, like a pen in the ink. With her own blood she drew a door on one of the walls. With her own blood she drew a door handle. Then she blinked.
She touched the door handle. It felt so real; she held it for a few minutes to make sure that she brought her imagination into reality, for she was the creator of her destiny. And then she opened the door and left the room.
 

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